October 21, 2020 When people ask if I mind my long commute to work (about an hour and 15 minutes), I generally respond, “I don’t like the wear and tear on my vehicle, but I like the opportunity to change from wife/mom mode to work mode in the morning and from work mode to wife/mom mode in the late afternoon.” At the peak of the pandemic precautions, when many of us lucky enough to remain employed worked at home, all the modes blended together. A typical workday didn’t exist. Instead of working my regular hours, I was getting up early, working for a few hours, getting my son, Jake, out of bed and getting him breakfast, helping Jake with school work for a couple hours, making lunch, working an hour or two, helping with more school work, then working for another hour or two. There was no delineation between work, helping with school and family life. I was thinking about that as I dreaded preparing for Mass Sunday morning. It’s not that I don’t enjoy Mass, but working in ministry has blurred the lines between work and worship. So much of my work involves attending Masses or events that include worship, worship begins to feel like work sometimes. Even for those of us who don’t work in ministry, attending Mass, volunteering for our parishes or even praying can feel like work sometimes. It can feel like yet another obligation in our already busy lives. It can feel like we’re making the effort to show up and complete the required steps associated with our worship, service or prayer, but maybe we don’t feel like we’re getting any consolation, graces or other benefits from our participation. Sometimes, it just feels empty. That’s ok. Sometimes we’re not in a frame of mind to be open to gifts. Sometimes, maybe God has a purpose for us going through a period in which we don’t perceive graces or consolation. And (I need to remind myself this frequently), it’s not about us. It’s about worshipping God because He is God, not about what we can get out of it. Even if it feels like work. |
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